


one serving of pudding for the spirit

by Lkcsi



Category: Tales of Vesperia
Genre: Angst, Mentions of dissociation, Mild Ristelle, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-21
Updated: 2019-08-21
Packaged: 2020-09-23 11:06:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,114
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20339098
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lkcsi/pseuds/Lkcsi
Summary: Five years has passed since his death, but Flynn and his friends still go out to celebrate his birthday.





	one serving of pudding for the spirit

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this as a challenge to myself earlier today, as well as therapy writing to deal with a personal loss. This was inspired by two Macross songs: "Diamond Crevasse" by Sheryl Nome starring May'n and "Giraffe Blues" by Walküre.

_Soft grass. The sun was about to set to the west. Its rays were comfortably warm but the bright orange still pierced his eyes. _

_A duel. _

_It never happened._

_"I love you, Flynn."_

_Flynn felt out of breath and found himself holding his sword and tapping it against Yuri's own sword, which Yuri held. For a moment he felt something was wrong. Yuri had been saying something once they put their blades down, and though disoriented, he felt him pressing closer, the heat of his body--heat? Wasn't he supposed to be cold as the sea water? He tried to tear his gaze away, but he couldn't. _

_This wasn't a memory, although he saw a perfect image of the perfect Yuri. Long dark hair, a deep shade of gray-violet he'd always wished to touch. A grin that was always on that face. That black shirt he always wore, buttons open. A copy. Yes, it was. He blinked. There he was, still lying next to him. Hah, lying and lying. Lie. Lying. Lie, lying. A beauty, a beautiful nightmare. A nightmare that he wished was real._

_"This is just a dream, isn't it?"_

_Yuri-no, the apparition of Yuri gave him a soft smile. "It's the only way I can tell you I love you."_

_"I love you, too." It came out through choked sobs._

_But he dissolved away, parts of him drifting in the wind towards the sea, before he could hear his confession._

_/**/_

Flynn dreaded looking at the calendar, but deep in his heart, he knew today was a day he didn't want to come anymore. He tried not to glance at the bodhi blastia bracelet on his left wrist, the empty cleft that used to house a valuable jewel mirroring his heart's state. He was going to meet Brave Vesperia, Patty, Rita, and Estelle in the memorial that day.

Even though the world had changed so drastically since the death of the Adephagos and the disappearance of the blastia, the season of Yuri's birthday had always been the same. The buzz of activity for the upcoming festival could be heard from the Nobles' Quarter down to home. People, familiar and new, went about their business in the city. The sun still shone and the wind cold coming from the icy north rustled the fallen leaves. He wondered, maybe he could tell anyone who asked about the tears welling in his eyes that it was simply because of dust.

He didn't bother. Anyone who lived through five or six years ago knew why he had tears.

In his right arm Flynn carried small servings of sweet pudding. 

One of his favorites. Sweet. He'd never gotten why sweet was a nice taste.

No one accompanied him to the memorial grounds. Passing knights saluted their Commandant when he passed, but as soon as they met they quickly whisked away. They knew. The past five years, the very same day. Flynn couldn't remember how he got to the memorial, just that his feet brought him there.

Through the haze he saw Raven first. He still wore a loose overcoat, although it was now inky black, and his hair was tied in a neat, not unruly like usual, ponytail. His posture shifted, but it was nothing like his slouch, but his back was straight and his head high. Rita was already holding a sobbing Estelle by the time he got there. Her comfort came in the form of kisses and back rubs as Estelle let her five-year grief come out. Patty, a little more grown-up again, was hovering by his side, her smile more of a comforting one than of genuine joy. She'd been dealing with this much better than anyone thought but part of her still loved the dead. Judith was there, and even though she still wore a poker face, her eyes betrayed the sadness. Her gaze was glassier, too glassy for a woman like her. She just never let anyone see her cry. Repede lied down, paws over his eyes. Karol, much taller now, shoulders broad and stronger confidence surging inside him, was staring at the simple marble structure that had a name embossed on it.

_YURI LOWELL_

Flynn tried drowning the memory. Haha, drowning. 

It hurt him. The unforeseen sight of his lifeless body and the whisper a younger Karol had said. He said to keep this a secret but now I think he would have wanted you to know, Karol had said between crying hiccups, he loved you very much.

And since then Flynn had always wished to have embraced Yuri one last time before he left. All his life he thought he was invincible to everything. Even death. At those times Yuri'd been still alive, Flynn had believed he could fly up high with Yuri by his side and going where the wind led them. Through the good fun times and the bad scary times.

When he'd kissed Yuri for the first time, he had already been gone, his life stolen away by a dagger to his heart and his body swallowed by the chaos of the waves. And since then his wings, the wings he'd flown with Yuri's warm hand in his, shredded away into nothingness. The world lost all color and meaning, and for five long years he felt like he'd been floating away and permanently disconnected from realness. His accomplishments meaning so much to the people around him but never to him. Meaningless, meaningless. Doesn't matter anymore. 

He fished out everyone's share of pudding. Repede got up and rubbed his nose on Flynn's hand before sitting back down, this time facing the stone thing that was his former master's eternal resting place.

"We're all here," Rita spoke softly to the still-crying Estelle. With much hesitation Estelle pulled away and wiped her face, although she still couldn't stop from sniffling. 

Flynn handed everyone their small porcelain plates and forks, each one getting their share wordlessly. A dark cloud hung over. With much pain in his chest Flynn laid the last plate before the gravestone and carefully placed the last piece of pudding on it. The fork made a soft clink when he put it on the plate.

"Happy birthday, Yuri," Flynn croaked out and stifled the pure sorrow threatening to burst out of his soul, "may your spirit be carried away to peace."

It was tradition to raise a glass to the fallen, but this was different. Yuri's friends raised their plates upward for a fleeting moment before they went down again. 

It didn't take long for Flynn to break down.

_You know, Yuri, you visiting me in my dreams hurt so much. I wish you'd still be with me. _


End file.
